Monday, June 20, 2011


I'm not sure when I realized I am fat.

I don't know if it was when it became hard to wipe my own ass.
I don't know if it was when I had to buy clothing 10 sized bigger than I want to wear.
I don't know.

But I do know that I am fat. And I hate it. And it holds me hostage.

I avoid doing things because I'm fat. I avoid sex with my husband. I avoid going back to my hometown. I avoid going to sides of town where I am likely to run into people who don't know I am fat. I avoid church. I avoid family functions. I avoid shopping for myself.

I am 33. I am fat and I am miserable.

Its not a matter of not knowing what to do. I know what to do. Burn more calories than I use.
But its so easy to hide in my home. Eat what feels good. So its a pattern. Hide and eat. Hide and eat. Hide and Eat.

I've decided that today? Today I am making changes. Small but significant. Exercise. Eat healthy.

Something drastic needs to happen. And soon.

Just not sure how I am going to do it.